Everyone gets angry at some point in their lives. Whether it’s because someone took our parking spot, we didn’t get our raise we were promised or missed making a passing grade in our schoolwork. It’s a part of life. Experiencing disappointment, frustration, stress, differences of opinion are all normal yet carry unintentional consequences when people don’t handle them well. Especially, at home in front of the children.

A parent bringing anger home can have long term harmful effects on children. Being raised in a household that is filled with episodes of anger between parents or from parent to child has been shown to have a long-term negative impact on a child’s performance, emotional, mental and physical health.

Parents often display anger because they are over worked and tired related to dealing with daily routine chores and keeping the household in order.

Developing coping strategies to help parents deal with triggers that set them off and best manage their anger in certain situations will be beneficial to both them and the children.

How Anger in Parents Affect Children

Children can be severely affected by seeing their mom or dad being mad at each other or with them. Especially when it is a common event.

What happens is that children often blame themselves. The high stress emotions that are associated with this behavior will affect the child’s brain development and will increase the likelihood of mental illness later on in life.

Feelings of worthlessness can evolve out of a parent yelling at their child. Verbal or physical abuse directly leads to a high stress home environment where a child can’t feel safe, calm and protected.

This scenario tends to cycle into the child responding in anger back to a parent out of aggression, rudeness and hurt. The back and forth will result in an unintentional reinforcing of negative behavior where it seems no one is responsible. Children become withdrawn, sick and have difficulty sleeping.

There is research that demonstrates that if parental anger escalates into physical violence like, shaking or hitting a child then the affects can last later in the child’s life. Thus leading to:

• aggression

• antisocial behavior

• other mental health concerns

• low self-esteem

• poor relationship development

Research shows that there is a correlation between adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) like verbal and physical abuse and pain related medical conditions such as headaches, arthritis, and chronic pain.

A 2017 study of 350 homeless adults, from the age of 50 years and older, showed a link between childhood trauma of physical and verbal abuse and poor mental health.

Reasons Why Parents Feel Angry at Children

Being a good and responsible parent is not easy. It takes so much effort on a daily basis, being on the clock 24/7. The responsibilities and demands placed upon a parent who is typically also working another job makes it almost impossible to have the steady temperament necessary to provide the level of constant love and nurturing needed to raise great kids.

Reasons why a parent might feel angry at children could include feeling stressed from:

• working hard

• managing household chores and finances

• daily errands

These can wear down the energy of parents and can often set the stage for being stressed and overwhelmed.

Feeling angry and then responding poorly to children can also be effected by:

• uncooperative children who won’t listen when told what to do

• a child taking longer to get something done when asked

• rude talk from a child when they are tired or stressed

• poor communication from one parent to another

• a difference of parenting styles, completing tasks or discipline

• a lack of sleep

• bringing frustration home from work

• money problems

• a physical illness or mental condition

• hormonal changes after giving birth

Recognize Then Strategize to Control Anger

Controlling anger first starts with recognizing the physical symptoms like:

• a racing heart

• rapid breathing

• tightness in stomach

• tense muscles in, jaw, hands, shoulders

• feeling annoyed, grumpy or agitated

It would be helpful to express and explain to the child that you are angry and need to step away to calm down. Then:

• count to 10 slowly

• take deep breaths until feel more calm however long it takes

• get some fresh air

Other techniques for reducing the threat of feeling anger once you have the time could be:

• finding a quiet place to be alone

• taking a short walk outdoors

• taking a warm shower or bath

• meditation or deep breathing techniques

• going for a run

• do some gardening, house cleaning or chore

• go workout at the gym of at home

• listen to music or read a book

Identify the triggers and then counter them by implementing the above suggestions.

Anger is a natural expression for a building up of frustration from stress. But, it only matters in how one handles a situation once the emotion gets channeled into an anger behavior. Simply, explain and apologize for losing your temper and not for being angry is a helpful start and clarifying to a child.

Helpful Therapy For Those Who Struggle With Anger

There are a plenty of helpful anger management classes and online options available that will aid in teaching good and doable coping practices.

Other beneficial and proven strategies to help with anger management include:

• Marriage and Family Therapy

• Neurofeedback Therapy

Parents experiencing anger is a normal part of life that expresses the inner stress one is feeling. This normal emotion when expressed negatively through verbal or physical abuse can have long-term harmful effects on children. Parents can get control of a stressful situation by learning basic anger management strategies that will help prevent them from losing their temper around children. People who struggle with anger management should always seek out help with therapy or neurofeedback.

-A Balanced Brain is a Better Brain-